


Broken Glass

by amazingkatisnotonfire (AciidWolf)



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, D&P, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phan, Phandom, dan and phil, phangirls
Genre: Blood, Depression, Gore, M/M, Phanfiction, Suicide, broken glass, really bad trigger warning, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-18 23:18:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5947084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AciidWolf/pseuds/amazingkatisnotonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is ignorance really bliss?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Glass

**Author's Note:**

> hi! so this is my first phan fiction, and I am quite excited although nervous to write it; I'm doing the storyline off the top of my head, lol. I have a general idea of what's going to happen, so be warned - trigger warning for self harm, gore, depression, panic attacks, suicide, eating disorders, etc etc. be warned my loves.
> 
> there might not even be a gurantee I will finish this - I have never finished a fic in my life, actually. hopefully this will be different, as I know how infuriating it is to read fics without endings from experience.
> 
> also, don't assume I'm never going to update again - I have a busy life! unless I'm gone for 2 years without activity or I announce it myself, the fic will continue.
> 
> hope you enjoy!(?)

I lay in my room, blood covering my whole body as I sobbed into the pillows that lay beside me, my tears mixing slightly with the crimson liquid soaking my sheets as I curled up into a ball on my bed. The events that just happened not even 10 minutes ago played out again and again in my head, everything mixing together so fast I couldn't make a coherent thought. The voice inside me kept repeating words I didn't want to hear anymore. _"Dan.. Dan... Come on... Don't worry babe, nothing is gonna happen.."_ My breathing was ragged and my puffy red eyes stayed wide open, gripping the blankets as if they were the only thing keeping me alive. The bloodied razor at my bedside was slick with fresh blood, specifically from my wrists as another sob choked out of my mouth.

No one had seen me run. Nobody had seen me run away, the shock and adrenaline the only thing keeping me from collapsing on the concrete in a mess of sorrow and pain. My feet had brought me to my house, of course, where my foster parents were out at a bar tonight, sparing them from the situation at hand.

The whole thing was getting blurry, and I didn't want to remember it at all. Of course, since my brain hated me, I sat paralyzed as everything replayed itself, forcing me through the terror of the night once again..

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

My boyfriend, Adrian, and I were walking out in London as the sun set, walking fast but not exactly in any kind of hurry. I knew we had to get to my flat, pretty fast; the night wouldn't be very merciful. I glanced at Adrian with a worried glance, watching as he looked back and assessed my expression, quickly reading what I had been thinking. "Dan, don't worry babe. Nothing is gonna happen; we've done this before, except drunk. If we got through that, then we should do completely fine sobered up." I laughed lightly at that, letting it go, although the bad feeling never left my stomach as we walked on. I intertwined his fingers with his, glancing down at them with a bashful smile as Adrian blushed and turned his head away from me to hide it. Cars zoomed past us on the sidewalk, however the people of London were dispersing quickly as the night drew on, the sun disappearing behind the horizon. My house wasn't far from here, and my parents usually went out on Fridays, everything should be okay. Everything will be okay.

Adrian walked faster as we entered a more shady part of London, with me quickly matching his pace with my long legs. However, as I was about as in-shape as an overweight walrus, I quickly got tired from the slight workout. "Slow down babe. I'm gonna pass out from all this exercise, soon." Adrian rolled his eyes and laughed as he slowed down a bit, although his eyes darted from place to place as if he was waiting for something to happen. I squeezed his hand gently to reassure him as I started to walk as fast as my lungs would allow, the unsettling feeling rooting itself even further into my stomach.

Adrian turned to look at me after a moment, his eyes lighting with a new idea and his mouth opening as if he wanted to say something. I looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to blurt it out. He paused before quickly saying,"You think going through the allies would be quicker? I mean, I know there's bad things that could be thre, but it would be a shorter trip, and we wouldn't be in the open." He glanced down at the concrete as I stopped to consider the suggestion. That.. would be a horrible idea. We would be robbed and kidnapped in a heartbeat, no matter how strong we are. This was a bad part of town.

"I don't think-"

"Yeah, I think that would be the best option. Come on." Adrian let go of my hand and dashed into the nearest ally, disappearing quickly into the shadows of the buildings that loomed.

"Adrian, wait! This isn't a good idea!" I started to run after him before looking into the ominous darkness that lay ahead of me, my eyes widening as fear overtook my body and froze me in place. I could almost see the phantoms that awaited me if I went in, the unknown and the terrifying. I assured myself those things didn't exist, but I couldn't bring myself to step in, no matter how much I consoled my mind of my fears.

I whipped around after a minute, realizing my back was exposed to any psychotic bitch wanting to rob me before stabbing me in the back. I stared out into the night of the city, the whooshing of the few cars that passed me and the shadowed buildings holding nothing for me to watch out for. Fear was slowly but surely dripping into my veins, fear for myself, fear for Adrian. Knowing my boyfriend could very well get himself into trouble that was too dangerous to get out of right now was almost too much for me to bear. I shouldn't of let him go, I shouldn't of let him go.. What if he's in trouble right now, and I'm not there to save him? I wouldn't be there to save him.. Determination slammed into me as I did a 180 and ran into the darkness without second thoughts. I had to be there with him, because I was terrified of what would happen if I wasn't. "Adrian?" I called out nervously but loudly, eyes having trouble adjusting to the dim light as I ran. I used my hands to feel my way around and in front of me, not really feeling like knocking myself out from running into a brick wall today. I just hoped I wouldn't step on a violent homeless person, but with my luck, I probably would.

"Dan?" a voice calls out after a few moments, sounding shaky and scared. "Dan?!? Fu-" I ran towards the sound of his voice blindly, my panicked breathing speeding up faster and my heart beat becoming more erratic than it already was when I heard the tone of his voice. "Adrian!?" I called out again, just as I turned the corner into a dead-end alleyway.

I wasn't expecting what I saw.

Leaning against the back of the wall, Adrian sat limp, blood covering his clothes and his head lolling to the side, as if it was broken. He wasn't moving, and it didn't look like he was breathing, either. Despite the dim light, I could see the blood gushing out of a wound in his neck, leaking onto his clothes that not even 5 minute ago I was admiring because damn, he looked good in them. Now, I could barely recognize the face of my lover, since it was 1, contorted in pain and 2, hidden in the shadows, which was another disgusting factor in my panic on whether or not he was alive or dead. The sight of my beautiful boyfriend in that state made my stomach lurch, and I felt like I was going to be sick at any moment. The metallic scent of blood didn't really help the situation, either.

And there was a man standing in front of him. A man of which I will never forget.

In this light, he was as white as a ghost, which was normal, as I was too, and I'm quite tan. He was wearing a leather black jacket, black skinny jeans, and some normal black sneakers. Normally, I would of tried to figure out the sizes of the shoes, if I didn't know they were probably not his size anyways. If he was smart, he would wear shoes a little too big or a little too small, so the police couldn't determine the size of his foot so they couldn't possibly rule him as a suspect.There was a certain logo on the back of his jacket, a beautiful design I probably would of complimented usually, if we weren't in this current situation. It twisted and curled in all types of ways, mirroring itself vertically down the middle. His hood was thrown over his head, so I couldn't see any more of him until he turned to my frozen form, all of his face covered in shadow except his mouth. Pinkish lips, blonde hair that stuck out of hood. I stared at him, probably looking like a suicidal deer in headlights. I didn't notice the tears streaming down my face, my arm reaching out for Adrian, my shaking legs, my opened mouth begging me to scream, to say something. The man gripped his murder weapon tightly with his gloves, smirking at me. Rage overflowed me as he spoke his next words, words I would keep in my mind forever.

"La la douleur commence."

Finally a spark of emotion forced its way out of me as I screamed and lunged for him, the red tinting my vision making my thoughts hazy and delusional.

But I wasn't fast enough.

He dodged out of the way of my wrath and quickly jumped up the wall, finding footholds and crevices where I couldn't see and climbing up the wall with such gracefulness I had to stare for a moment, mouth agape in shock. Then the scent of blood hit me like a wave again, and I desperately tried to run after him, clawing at the brick walls even though I knew I wouldn't be able to reach him. He was already 15 feet above me, hauling himself up on the top of the building like some Assassin Creed shit. He looked down at me for a moment before disappearing from my line of sight. Who knew people who could climb walls like a fucking assassin actually existed.

I screamed again, my hands sliding down the walls as I fell to my knees, not believing I just let him get away. Anger rushed through me again at that fact, and my screeches intensified as I hit the ground hard with both of my fists multiple times, tears blurring my vision and dripping onto the pavement beneath me. I almost forgot about who I was crying for - Adrian.

I gasped and turned as quickly as the thought came, fresh tears dripping off my face as I peered at his broken body. "A-Adrian..?" I said softly, knowing it was no use, but nevertheless saying it anyways, maybe to torture myself by playing with the idea that he might still be alive. I crawled over to him on my hands and knees, the blood on the ground soaking through my pant legs and getting all over my hands and arms but I didn't care. I just..

I knew he was dead. But I couldn't live with myself knowing that I left without checking.

A soft sob ripped out of me as my shaky head slowly reached towards his chin, grabbing him gently and holding him there. I didn't think I was ready for what I was about to see, as for now his face was hidden by the gloom of nighttime, leaving me to the imagination of the dark void of my mind. I wanted to leave his beautiful face like I had it before - shining, alive with color, his gorgeous smile beaming at me as he laughed at one of my awful jokes, those amazing crystal blue eyes he possessed that always sparkled when I looked at him. But I needed to see this, I needed to see him. 

Slowly, I lifted his face to meet mine. 

And that is when my whole world fell apart. 

His once tan face was now pale and covered in blood, smeared across his face as if he had tried to wipe it off before his end. His nose was almost ripped off, blood dripping off his torn flesh as the cartilage hung limply from the skin. His brown hair was matted and soaked in his own blood and grit, and all I wanted to do was clean him off and tell him it would be okay, that it would fine. His face was contorted in an expression that told me his death hadn't been quick, that he had to suffer through all this pain before the man decided to take mercy on him and slit his throat. 

But that wasn't the worst part. The part he knew he would never be able to rub from his brain, even if he poured 10 tons of bleach over his mind. 

His once twinkling crystal eyes were blank and glazed over, their sparkle gone as he gazed up into space. I sobbed again as I looked for any trace of what I once saw in those crystal pools of beauty, gripping either side of his bloody cheeks as tears overflowed again. I was unaware of my shrieks, of my raw throat as I stared deeply into his dead eyes. The milky blue gaze became too much for me to bare as I got up and ran away as fast as I could, not even trying to stop the tears from falling from my eyes as I tried to escape the suffocating darkness of this hell, and this hellhole I was living in 

That's when I realized, there really is no escape.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I screamed from my current position in bed as the memories raced over my mind, nails digging into my already bloody arms as I tried to curl into a tighter ball. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't breathe since the moment I saw him laying there, helpless and limp and _dead._ I felt dizzy and sick, so fucking sick, like I was going to throw up any moment from the excruciating pain that was being extracted from the deep parts of my wounded soul. Yet I couldn't move, I couldn't move to get pain pills or maybe even get to a toilet to puke up whatever I have left in my stomach. I couldn't get the image of Adrian's eyes out of my head, like the picture was implanted there to torture me forever. 

_Calm down Dan, you aren't going to help yourself by crying until you're out of tears. Do something for once, instead of fucking sitting there and doing nothing, which is what got you here in the first place._

My eyes widened and my breath hitched in my throat as I realized what I was doing. Sitting here and being selfish, just what kept me from saving him either times. I had to do something. I couldn't sit here and do nothing any longer. 

I ripped off my bloodied clothes and threw them away, not wanting to see them ever again. Looking at my horribly dirtied body, I went to the bathroom to take a shower. Just a quick shower, Dan, you know how showers can get you thinking deep in no time flat. 

After all the blood and grit was off me (although I could still smell his blood and cologne..), I yanked on a fresh pair of boxers, jeans, and a hoodie, taking care to make sure none of the items of clothing were from _him_. I scrambled for my phone, which was sitting on my bedside next to the razor. It was 1:34 in the morning. Shit. 

I quickly unlocked my phone and typed in the number I needed to call. 

_Ring..._

_Ring..._

"New London Police Department, Officer Smith, how may I help you? 

"H-Hi, I-I'm Dan, and I-I am calling to-to report a m-murder."

**Author's Note:**

> ah that was great wasn't it
> 
> dont worry it will be a longer next time, as well as Phil will enter the story? maybe?
> 
> so, as I don't live in the UK (I live in the Americanos ;P) I have no idea what the layout of London is, or how it acts! I'm writing from my prior knowledge with big cities and the info I get from vlogs with D&P. That's all I want you to know, as I don;t want anyone whining if I do get something wrong - please just tell me politely and I'll fix it asap.
> 
> also, I didn't realize before writing this the confusion I will have to go through, and the strange things I'm gonna have to search - government plz don't target me, I just need to know how the fuck an investigation works for a fic ;^;
> 
> edit; after reading this chapter again I realize how immature and inexperienced I sound - ah I'm so sorry. I now feel really stupid for even posting this, but I'll keep it up anyways and keep it going because shit, I said I would. I'm so sorry if you actually read that and cringed.
> 
> anyways, I hope you all have a great day :)


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